Stephen Colbert is on break, so the late-night shows picked up the slack. On Thursday, hosts dug into Donald Trump’s trip to Japan, a fresh document in the Epstein matter, the partial federal shutdown’s impact on airports, and a few lighter items thrown in for balance.
Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel opened on Trump’s meeting with Japan’s Sanae Takaichi. As a gift, she presented the president with 250 cherry trees to mark the upcoming 250th US anniversary.
“This is a guy who paved over the Rose Garden,” Kimmel said, and wondered out loud what Trump would do with 250 cherry trees. His guess: something absurd, like using them to build a Waffle House.
The meeting flowed into Trump’s pitch to get Japan to support his posture on Iran. At one point, in a press conference, Trump said: “We wanted surprise. Who knows better about surprise than Japan? Why didn’t you tell me about Pearl Harbor?”
Kimmel mocked the line. He said he was relieved Trump did not try an accent, then added that “everything he knows about Pearl Harbor begins and ends with the movie starring Ben Affleck.”
Turning to the Epstein files, Kimmel noted a newly unredacted 2009 email between Trump and Epstein’s lawyers. The email quotes Trump saying Epstein was “not a member. May have been a guest. Never asked to leave,” undercutting recent claims that Epstein had been kicked out of Mar-a-Lago.
“This document from 17 years ago would indicate that the president of the United States isn’t telling the truth,” Kimmel said, feigning shock.
On the partial government shutdown, Kimmel highlighted long airport lines and the fact that about 50,000 TSA agents are working without pay. He joked that some agents were reportedly selling blood to pay bills, then quipped about the TSA’s usual liquid rules: their blood could not be carried in containers larger than 3oz.
Seth Meyers
Seth Meyers also roasted the Pearl Harbor exchange. He read Trump’s question back and responded: “Uh, I guess because neither of you had been born yet?” He then asked if Trump meant the movie Pearl Harbor and added that the real history is not a simple movie plot.
Meyers mocked Trump praising Takaichi’s English and saying he had not learned Japanese. “Nobody thought you had picked up Japanese,” Meyers said. “You already have your hands full with English.”
When Trump said about sending more troops to Iran, “If I were, I certainly wouldn’t tell you,” Meyers called that comment “extra rude, considering who asked,” and flashed a picture of JD Vance.
Meyers also touched on domestic politics. A key Senate committee advanced Markwayne Mullin’s nomination for homeland security secretary. Mullin has said that when he first took office he did not know how to tie a necktie; Meyers joked that the dress code is drifting toward very casual territory.
In other diplomatic theater, Trump met Ireland’s prime minister, Micheál Martin, during the annual Shamrock Bowl presentation. Trump said he “feels like” he has Irish blood and mentioned also having Scottish blood. Meyers used the moment to move on to other news.
Finally, Meyers pointed out a lighter pop-culture item: the most popular dog name in the US right now is Luna. The least popular, he joked, would be Ghislaine — a name people would not likely call out if a dog went missing.
